Monday, September 29, 2008

But Not For Me

They're writing songs of love - but not for me
A lucky star's above - but not for me
With love to lead the way
I've found more clouds of gray
Than any Russian play - could guarantee
I was a fool to fall - and get that way
Hi ho alas and also lackaday
Although I can't dismiss
The memory of his kiss
I guess he's not for me
I was a fool to fall - and get that way
Hi ho alas and also lackaday
Although I can't dismiss
The memory of his kiss
I guess he's not for me
-George Gershwin

I just had my heart broken this week. I think for the first time in my life I allowed myself to fall in love. I've been in relationships before, but not in love. I did love the guys from my past but I was not in love with them.

Now I'm back to believing this should be my theme song. I do believe in love. I just don't think I will ever have a successful relationship.

We met on my favorite holiday, the Fourth of July. Buck is recentally divorced, but convinced me to take the chance on this Long Distance Relationship. He said that luck favors the bold instead of just waiting to see what happens. Grad school just become too much - something had to go. That something is me.

The kicker is Buck says that I didn't do anything wrong. He still wants to be with me but doesn't have time for him much less us. I understand, and willing to do what ever it takes to make it work. He doesn't want to be unfair to me. However, I'm the one that is tearing up or crying all the time for the last week. I've never been this emotional before and I hate it.

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